How to Pursue an Ideal Without Becoming Perfectionistic or Dispirited

An ideal is an image, an archetype, that exists only in the mind. It is an inner vision of how life could be, of how you could be.

Every person knows this tension between who they are and the ideal version of Self they envision in their minds.

You might think you don’t have any ideals, but you do. Whether they are conscious or remain hidden, whether you act in accordance with them or not. Ideals are inescapable – we all have them. 

Without ideals, there would be no movement in the world. We would not wake up tomorrow striving to gain more knowledge than we had today. We would not aim to become fitter, to achieve greater discipline. We would never become wealthy, transform the suffering of our past, or advance in our craft… 

None of us are perfectly satisfied with our lives. Think about the last time you set a goal and achieved it. Your mind immediately asked: now what? Soon after, you moved on to the next uphill climb. 

Even if we cannot consciously verbalize our ideals, they are spontaneously constructed in our minds when we encounter our deficiencies or the world’s limitations.

Many people will tell you it is wrong to strive, because constantly seeking for something more is pathological. It can be.

But instead of seeing ideals as harmful, we can see them as a calling to becoming greater, more polished, more complete – more masterful – than we currently are. There is simply no life without the growth that an ideal sparks.

But how can we pursue it without falling into any traps on the path?

Are Your Ideals Your Own?

In Addiction to Perfection, Marion Woodman writes:

“Living by principles is not living your own life. It is easier to try to be better than you are than to be who you are. If you are living by ideals, you are constantly plagued by a sense of unreality.”

To unpack this, we must distinguish between external ideals and internal ideals.

If the ideal that you look up to is constructed only through societal convention or external expectations, and does not match the ideal you secretly harbour in your own mind, then you will not be living your own life.

Living by an external ideal is suffocating. It berates you for how far you stand from it, but also scolds you for lacking the internal drive to shorten that distance.

If an ideal is not your own, you will know it in your heart. Learn to honour this and orient yourself towards your true ideals.

Living by principles is living your own life when the origin of those ideals is internal – images whispered to us by the soul, representations of what we are intrinsically driven, internally called, to be.

Living by internal ideals means living out the ever-expanding reality of who you came here to be. 

When Having an Ideal Goes Wrong

Even if we know our internal ideals, many of us still have fractured relationships with them. Who feels one hundred percent positive towards what they are striving for at all times? No one I know.

Usually, people oscillate between giving up and striving really hard. Perhaps you lean more towards one extreme.

Growing Defeated in the Face of an Ideal

Many people become overwhelmed by their ideals and feel defeated.

In his Biblical Series, Jordan Peterson describes it perfectly:

“When you formulate an ideal, you create a judge at the same time. The ideal becomes a judge that sits above you and terrifies you. It’s very easy to feel intimidated in the face of your own ideal. Then, it becomes really easy to destroy that ideal instead of trying to pursue it. When you destroy the ideal, you get rid of the judge.”

How many people do we know that have the ideal of being fit but can never move forward? I’m sure somebody you know comes to mind. Maybe it’s you. 

There is always an excuse. It’s too much work. I’ll never get there. It’s not worth it. It’s too great of a task. I’m just really discouraged.

So you reject the ideal. You push it down. You bury it. You berate it. You criticize it for existing. You pretend you never even wanted it in the first place.

Soon enough, you realize you can never really destroy an ideal that comes from within. And the price for denying it is living in a constant state of self-loathing, self-resentment, and disappointment with life.

In the end, the ideal still towers above you, calling you forth.

Perfectionistic Pursuit of an Ideal

Some people find themselves on the opposite end of the spectrum – they strive really hard, but it’s never good enough.

In The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown writes:

“Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfectly, look perfect, act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame.”

How many people do we know that do this in their studies or their careers? They’ve put so much effort into achieving success, but they beat themselves up because the result is different than they’ve pictured it.

The distance between Self and Ideal forever looms over their head. Sometimes they believe their life depends on closing the gap.

Very often, extremes lead into one another. Perfectionists burn out and fall into defeat. They can’t stay there for long, though, for the fear of being less than perfect nags just as violently as the ideal judges.

So, they get up and begin to strive hard again. Only to fall into defeat once more. And the wheel spins on.

Neither Approach Serves You

Whether we tend to succumb to perfectionism, defeat, or both, we are failing to accept two truths.

Firstly, it is natural for us to attempt to close the distance between us and an ideal. Secondly, it is natural for a distance to exist between us and our ideal.

Wait a second. Isn't that a paradox?

Embrace the Ideal, Embrace Falling Short of It

The ideal is a prototype – while you, or your life, is just an example of the ideal you are striving for. There will always be a mismatch when we compare an abstraction to a concrete object in reality.

No singular instance of something can capture the complete essence of its abstraction. Think about beauty. One woman's beauty is only an instance of Beauty itself. She will always fall short of an idea. And that's okay.

An ideal can only be approximated in one’s life. 

This doesn’t mean you don’t need the ideal in the first place. Everybody needs something that inspires them to movement even if they may never completely attain it.

As Carl G. Jung reflects in Answer to Job:

“Perfection is always incomplete, and therefore represents a final state which is hopelessly sterile. “Nothing comes out of perfection” say the old masters, whereas the imperfectum carries within it the seeds of its own improvement.”

Inside every imperfect thing is the drive to improve – to grow, to expand. The whole point is to never reach the final state of perfection where movement halts.

You might think the ideal you have is perfect, while you are not. But that is not the case.

The Ideal Finds Life Through Your Pursuit of It

Without us, ideals are just images, mere figments of the mind. Without a material form, the ideal has no life, no existence in reality. It is not so perfect by itself, after all…

When we move towards an ideal, we infuse it with breath. With life. Consciousness. Even in merely approximating it, we bring it into being. 

In your imperfection, you need the ideal, for in moving towards it you are on the path to growth. But in its imperfection, the ideal needs you too, for it only finds life and true being when it is expressed through you.

When you understand this, it is easy to embrace the ideal and embrace falling short of it. 

It is no longer you versus the ideal in a never-ending battle. 

It is you and your ideal, creating something more complete together.